Censorship!

I have been censored! Censored! Me!? I don't understand it at all.

I had offered to write a little something for a work newsletter last month, so after 30 minutes with my brain to the grindstone I came up with this hilarious piece of self-worship: http://jamesantonas.vox.com/library/post/james-antonas-is.html

I thought it might be a bit risky, a bit risque, a bit rhiskey...and sure enough I was shot down. Okay, they had warned me previously that any piece I submittd couldn't contain any references to religion or politics or constitute an attack on anyone...and apparently my piece seemed to have those three things in spades.

...

Fine, I said. Well, it was a little more vulgarly colourful than that, but in essence...fine, I'll try again.

I decided to take a shot a doing an advice column style piece as inoffensive as possible and as 'advice column-y' as possible, here was the result: http://jamesantonas.vox.com/library/post/james-antonas-column-of-love.html

Harmless, no? And this was accepted. Great, they said. And the quote about mistakes being the younger sexier cousin of regret went down a treat around the office water cooler. So that was that I thought, in a week or two it would be published, I would be lauded and praised as the saviour of newsletter musings and would be roundly celebrated.

Think again.

Today I was informed that I had been 'edited' (she actually did the air quotation marks)...and I went 'Yeah, that's cool...it was a bit long! Ha ha ha!' (I laugh like that in awkward situations) And then she said, 'No, you've been edited out completely!' and then she made a 'No Deal' sign with her arms.

Ha ha ha.

And then she had to gall to say that if I wanted to write something again for next month that was shorter and more appropriate that would be okay!

Fignuts! Spit in my face...Tear out my heart...um...Raid my pantry and take those Ferrero Rochers I hid behind the Country Cheese crackers for a rainy day when I would just need some chocolate comfort...etc, etc.

I feel like Salmon Rushdie or someone young people have actually heard of...Woody Harrelson...yeah, I feel like Woody Harrelson when he was continually prosecuted by religious types for running a magazine that catered to the male demographic and then he got Edward Norton to represent him because Eddie knew the legal system after Richard Gere got him off for murdering a priest by pretending he had a split personality. Those guys know their stuff.

Anyway...censorship sucks. Pure and simple.